A collection of funny tree jokes, ridiculous wisecracks, and amusing stories, as well as humor about trees, nature, and the environment. Some of them are sure to carve a smile on your face.
How do trees access the internet?
They log on.
Why do trees make the worst frenemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade!
What did the tree do when the bank closed?
It started its own branch.
Why did the pine tree get in trouble?
Because it was being knotty.
What did the trees wear to Mother Nature’s pool party?
Do you want a brief explanation of an acorn?
In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.
What do you get when you cross a tabby cat with a lemon tree?
A sour puss.
A snare drum and a crash symbol fell out of a tree.
What did Betula pendula say to her super-annoying sister?
Leaf me alone, birch!
Did you know that I can cut down a dead tree just by looking at it?
It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes!
What type of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
How do you properly identify a dogwood tree?
By the bark!
What did the beaver say to the tree?
It’s been nice gnawing you!
Where do saplings go to learn?
Why do trees make great thieves?
Why can’t the lonely evergreen stop thinking about high school?
She’s still pining to be one of the poplar kids.
How do bees travel to trees?
They take the buzz.
What is green, has leaves, and a trunk?
A houseplant going on vacation.
Where can Adansonia trees go for a quick trim?
To the baobarber.
Would you rather climb stairs or a tree?
Personally, I prefer the ladder.
More Tree Jokes:
What is every single tree’s least favorite month?
What must trees drink responsibly?
Why did the evil queen order her subjects to cut down all the trees in the kingdom?
She was jealous because every one of them had a bigger crown than her.
What do you get when you cross a tree with an artificial waterway?
A root canal.
What tree produces fruit that tastes like chicken?
Why are leaves always involved in risky business?
Because they constantly have to go out on a limb.
How did the idiot get hurt while raking leaves?
Fell out of the tree.
Why do Platanus occidentalis have to see the doctor more than any other trees?
Because they are sycamore.
Did you hear about the big corporation that’s making syrup from supposedly contaminated trees?
They maple their brand off the shelves.
Why do dogwood trees make wonderful pets?
They have a great bark, but wooden bite.
What is a triangle palm’s favorite school subject?
Would you like to read a joke about tree-free paper?
The thing is, it’s tearable.
Why do trees hate tests?
Because they get stumped by the questions.
What did the rock say when it rolled into the tree?
Nothing. Rocks don’t talk!
What do you call nice trees without any teeth?
Why did the young Canadian climb up a tree with a hockey stick?
Because he wanted to join the Maple Leafs.
Why is a group of similar trees called a stand?
Because they can’t sit down.
What did the owl say to the sick tree to make it feel better?
Nothing. That owl didn’t give a hoot.
What is the best day for photosynthesis?
I was looking up at an acorn and couldn’t figure out why it appeared to be getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
Even More Tree Jokes:
What do you give to a sick citrus tree?
Would you ever consider going on the almond tree diet?
No way, that’s just nuts!
Which flowering plant is a champion equestrian?
The horse chestnut. (It totally conkers the competition.)
What motorcycle brand do London plane trees ride through the forest?
Did you hear about the elephant that got stuck up a tree last summer?
In order to get down, she had to sit on a branch and wait until fall.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine?
It wooden go.
How do trees keep you in suspense?
I’ll tell you tomorrow.
Where do birch trees keep their valuables?
In a river bank.
Why isn’t the squirrel hard at work collecting acorns at the oak tree?
She called in sick and went to the beech.
Which Canadian city is a favorite vacation spot for American trees?
What did the Jedi say to the sacred tree?
May the forest be with you.
What kind of stories do giant sequoia trees tell?
What is the most frustrating thing about being a tree?
Having so many limbs and not being able to walk.
What is every tree’s favorite shape?
What football player do tree leaves root for?
What happens to the most lovely trees every Valentine’s Day?
They get all sappy.
What cruelty-free fashion do stylish evergreens wear?
Why did the banana tree make a doctor’s appointment during a terrible storm?
Because her fruit was peeling under the weather.
How hard is it to count conifers?
It’s as easy as one, two, tree!
How do you identify a math tree?
It has square roots.
Bonus Tree Humor:
Did you know that before you became my best friend, I used to hang out with another girl every single day in her super awesome tree house?
It’s true, but unfortunately we had a falling-out.
Why did the Sugar Maple make an appointment with the dentist?
It needed a root canal.
Have you seen the documentary about beavers cutting down trees?
It’s one of the best dam videos ever.
Why did the dog climb a big tree next to the house?
To get up to the woof!
Why do trees love watching Star Trek?
They can relate to the Captain’s log.
Do you know how we got caught trying to rob the orchard?
The apple saw us.
Which former president is the favorite of most trees?
What did one tree say to the other tree?
Nothing, silly. Trees can’t talk!
What does the evergreen tree say every time her sister sheds tears for no good reason?
Fir crying out loud!
What is the most impolite way to get a naive tree out of bed?
A root awakening
What do you call a train carrying apple trees, orange trees, peach trees, and pear trees?
Why did the apple tree, pear tree, and cherry tree want to hang out with the banana plant?
Because the idea was a peeling.
Why did that tree trunk get promoted to the executive level?
Because it did an outstanding job as branch manager.
Why is autumn Humpty Dumpty’s new favorite season?
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
What did the bee say to the flowering tree?
Did you hear about the tree that had its whole left side cut off?
It’s all right now.
Teacher: Anna, can you name five conifers?
Anna: Four pine trees and a spruce!
A guy walks into a bar and sees an oak tree serving drinks. The tree asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a tree tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the cactus would sell this place.”
What did the ocean say to the mangrove trees?
Nothing. It just waved.
What do you get when you cross a salmon and a tree branch?
Now we want to see your best tree jokes! So, what’s your favorite joke about trees, being in the woods, or gardening? Send your tree jokes to us via email if you’d like to see them featured here on the Trees Group site.
If you like these tree jokes, we encourage you to check out some of the best forest jokes, tree puns, tree riddles, Christmas tree jokes, arborist jokes, tree quotes, forest quotes, nature quotes, season quotes, tree poems, and forest poems from all over the world.