A tree truck load of arborist jokes, funny arborist puns, arborist humor, and other amusing things about being an arborist, tree surgeon, forest ranger, tree climber, or tree care professional.
What do you get when you cross a tree with a chainsaw?
Why can’t an arborist ever win a race against a climbing rope?
Because it will always end with a tie.
What do arborists use to generate online content?
Who is the best singer according to most arborists?
What’s the most popular dating app for arborists?
How do you know when an arborist has had one too many drinks?
She starts trunk texting her axe.
What do you get when you cross a fish with a multi-stemmed tree?
Have you met the jerk who owns the world’s greatest wood chipper?
He leaves mulch to be desired.
Why are juniper trees so adaptable?
Because they go with the phloem.
How do you get down off a tree?
You don’t. You get down off a duck.
What is an arborist’s favorite snack?
Which trees are always working on their tannins?
More Arborist Jokes:
Can you help me identify this weeping tree?
Yes, but you willow me one.
You won’t believe what my arborist did while he was in the middle of dismantling a hazardous tree in the backyard.
I told him he was doing a great job, and then he took a bough!
Who’s the happiest member of an arborist’s crew?
The chipper guy.
Why did the claustrophobic arborist vow that she would never go camping in the woods again?
Her last experience felt way too in-tents.
What does Spanish moss do for fun?
Hang out with its bros! Bromeliads that is.
What’s the best thing to do for a blue spruce tree?
Tell a joke to cheer it up.
What do trees native to America do when they have to go?
Take a treepee.
How did the tree surgeon break her leg?
She had a falling out with a tall patient.
Did you hear about the arborist who was wrongly accused of stealing a tree?
Someone planted the evidence on his property.
What type of timber is best for building a music hall?
What did arborists in Tennessee?
The same thing arborists in Arkansas.
What did the safety vest say to the hard hat on the way to the job site?
You go on ahead.
Even More Arborist Jokes:
What did the tree say to the drill?
You bore me.
Why are river birches so good with money?
Because they grow up in banks.
Rookie arborists don’t understand what it’s like to climb a tall tree first thing in the morning…
…and then it dawns on them.
Why is the fruit beneath Citrus aurantifolia so awesome?
Because it’s sublime.
Why is the tulip the state tree of Indiana, Kentucky, and Tennessee?
Because they are so poplar.
Why did the short tree take a long nap when it found out it was actually a tall shrub?
Because it was totally bushed.
Do you know what arborists do when the fruit dries up on a plum tree?
Why do the city’s street trees have more credibility than the park benches?
Because the benches are usually full of sit and the trees always keep it arboreal.
Two arborists who were bitter rivals for more than a decade absolutely hated each other until yesterday. Today they are friends. What happened?
Both of them signed a peace tree-ty.
Why is it so difficult to run a tree care company?
Because every employee acts like a branch manager.
Why is the arborist worried about her career choice?
She’s afraid all the jobs will eventually be taken by Arborficial Intelligence.
An arborist walked over to an orchard ladder a crew member was standing on while pruning a tree.
“Hey, Jen,” he asked, “are you holding on tight to that branch?”
“Yes, I am,” replied Jen. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, if you are,” said the arborist, “you won’t mind if I borrow this ladder for a few minutes!”
Arborist 1: Did you hear about Dave’s trip to California?
Arborist 2: No, what happened to him?
Arborist 1: He fell out of the top of a coastal redwood.
Arborist 2: That’s awful!
Arborist 1: Luckily, he was wearing a safety lanyard.
Arborist 2: Oh, good!
Arborist 1: Unluckily, it was defective and broke.
Arborist 2: How horrible!
Arborist 1: Luckily, he was also wearing a special emergency parachute.
Arborist 2: That’s Dave for you. He always has a backup plan!
Arborist 1: Unluckily, the parachute failed to open.
Arborist 2: Are you kidding me!
Arborist 1: Luckily, a world-record-setting pile of leaves was under the tree.
Arborist 2: How fortunate!
Arborist 1: Unluckily, the crew left their pole saws sticking up out of the pile.
Arborist 2: What were they thinking!
Arborist 1: Luckily, he missed all of that sharp gear.
Arborist 2: Thank goodness!
Arborist 1: Well… Unluckily, he also missed the pile of leaves.
Amateur Arborist Jokes:
Why did the amateur arborist stare at the fungicide bottle for three hours before doing anything with it?
Because it said “Concentrate”.
How many amateur arborists does it take to prune a tree branch?
100. One to hold the saw and 99 to shake the tree back and forth.
Two amateur arborists were in a bucket truck on the way to a job. The driver thought the blinker might be broken. He asked the passenger to check.
The other amateur arborist stuck his head out the window and said, “Yes, no, yes, no, yes…”
How do you make an amateur arborist’s eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in his ears.
How does an amateur arborist brain cell die?
An amateur arborist runs into the emergency room and says everything he touches hurts.
The doctor explains, “Sir, you have a broken finger.”
A master arborist walks out into the yard and says, “Who wants to hear some amateur arborist jokes?” A climber says, “The other five people out here are all amateur arborists. Are you sure you want to tell those jokes?
The master arborist says, “I guess not. I don’t want to have to explain them five times.”
What did the amateur arborist say when he saw a bowl of Cheerios in the break room?
Cool! Doughnut seeds! How long do they take to grow?
How did the amateur arborist break his leg raking leaves?
He fell out of the tree.
Bonus Arborist Jokes:
Why did the groundsman fall into a well while he was dragging brush?
He couldn’t see that well.
Why does the arborist get laughed at whenever he waters trees?
Because he always wets his plants.
Did you hear about the arborist who doesn’t trust aerial lifts?
She says they’re always up to something.
I know a bunch of jokes about retired arborists, but none of them work.
Air used to be free at the gas station, and now it’s $1.50 for arborists to fill up their truck tires. Do you know why?
Do you remember the last thing that arborist said before he kicked the bucket?
Let me knock some of the dirt off my boots, and then you can lift me up.
An arborist was showing a client some equipment and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” she said, “I never knew my real ladder.”
After years of operating chainsaws without protective equipment, my doctor told me I’m going deaf. That news was hard for me to hear.
Which days are the strongest for selling tree work?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.
What do arborists eat when they are studying for their ISA certification exam?
How do arborists speed up the time it takes to prune a tree?
How many arborists can climb into an empty bucket truck?
One. After that it isn’t empty.
Now we want to read your arborist jokes! So, what’s your favorite joke about arborists, tree work, or landscaping? Send your submission to us via email if you’d like to see them featured here on the Trees Group site.
If you like these arborist jokes, we encourage you to check out some excellent tree jokes, forest jokes, Christmas tree jokes, tree puns, tree riddles, tree quotes, nature quotes, season quotes, and forest quotes from all over the world.